Anger is one of the most formidable opponents to the joy and blessing God wants us to have in our relationships. Whether in a marriage or other relationships, anger can cause a lot of damage. Now, everyone gets angry. Ephesians says be angry but do not sin. I don't know about you, but when I'm angry I WANT to sin. "Come on God, I'll repent later, I promise!"
Anger is always for the same reason, we're hurt in some way or another. Left unchecked it can become an ugly root of bitterness that can form a pattern in our life resulting in terrible anxiety and pain. Dealt with properly, Biblically, anger can be experienced without guilt, without stealing the joy of life.
Anger and bitterness almost always comes from wanting something or expecting something and not getting it. It comes out of living for self instead of putting God first, instead of living for God. It's primary to see this first. Clients that refuse to take responsibility for one of the only things they can control, their thoughts and their actions, will never grow to effectively live with their anger in a Godly way. People in this mindset continue to blame others for their anger. Many times becoming bitter and that bitterness lasts for years. In some cases the anger grows as Satan has his foothold, causing more pain and hurt which grows into a terrible circle of pain, hurt, lashing out, pain, hurt, lashing out. When anger is recognized for what it is, hurt trying to become sin, the first step in defeating this foothold is in place.
The key to healing the hurt that causes anger is forgiveness. When you see why you are hurt, when you're willing to really look at it then you're half way there! Now identify the person, persons that hurt you and forgive them. Remember forgiveness is an act of your will! Forgiveness is not a feeling. Do you think Jesus felt good hanging on a cross dieing as He said, "Father forgive them, they know not what they do." So ask yourself if you really want to rid yourself of the pain and anxiety caused by holding onto that anger. Of course you don't! Forgive, you'll be one step closer to what you really want for your life.
As a Christian, you are born again. The Bible says you are a new creation and that all things have become new. [1 Corinthians 5:17] It also says the power of sin has been broken and no longer has power over you. [Romans 6:14] Not because we are some great, righteous person but because of what Jesus accomplished for us on the cross. If you've followed this so far, Praise God! [If not, maybe you are not sure about the phrase, "born again" check out Salvation, what is it? and learn more.] The trouble lies in this, when we find the spiritual reality that is Christ, we still have a life of patterns from our old life tagging right along. So although we may have the joy of the Lord at times, at other times our selfish old patterns emerge at the most wonderful times, causing havoc and many times hurting the ones we love the most. Most of the time after our new birth, if we are being honest with ourselves, we see that this old pattern is ugly and not pleasing to God. So what do we do with all these old patterns we really no longer want?
This is where some very cool truths come into play. Each one of us has a belief about who we are. We establish this as we grow up, ideas and pictures and sayings and beliefs and thousands of thoughts all piled up one upon another until we have what each of us calls our identity. Even after we become Christians we carry a lot of these ideas and thoughts into our new birth. Some people refer to this as their baggage. Our old identity wants to move in on our new identity. This is all cool and wonderful until some one comes along and crosses our patterns. If that happens we can get all bent out of shape. And the silly thing about this is it can be something as small as a cap on the toothpaste that can disrupt our whole universe.
But remember we are born again! What does that mean exactly. In John, chapter 3 Jesus has a conversation with Nicodemus, a teacher of the Jews. He says you must be born of the Spirit as well as the flesh. You must be born physically first, then spiritually. When this happens you are born into God and your identity changes.
At first we may not see this but as we grow it becomes evident that God wants to conform us to the image of His Son. [Romans 8:29] To do this He begins working in us to change our identity to one like His. As your belief in this new identity grows, your actions follow. You are more than willing to repent, change, forgive. You want to practice things like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.
Sometimes it take a little effort to recognize the patterns in our lives and work them out. I (Dean) had to work out a plan to change some my patterns. I can't believe how effective it was once I had the courage to try it and the commitment to work it. With a little practice and a little prayer it worked! If you want some help, let us know. We'd be happy to assist...
Because Love Never Fails...